


Don't Rescue Me

by Coyoteclaw11



Series: SASO 2017 Fills [6]
Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Drowning, Ficlet, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-21 20:21:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11364921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coyoteclaw11/pseuds/Coyoteclaw11
Summary: Every time he tries, someone or something stops him.You don’t deserve it, he hears.You don’t deserve to join him.Written for the playlist prompthere.





	Don't Rescue Me

**Author's Note:**

> I was really stuck this round, and of course it would be rinharu angst that finally got me to fill sdfghjk

Every time he tries, submerging himself, opening his mouth, and breathing the seawater like air, his body moves of its own accord and forces him to the surface sputtering and choking. Every time he tries, the waves shove him forcibly back to the shore as if they know his intent and reject it. Every time he tries, someone drags him bodily back. A friend. A stranger. Whoever happens to catch him on the beach. Every time he tries, someone or something stops him.  _You don’t deserve it_ , he hears.  _You don’t deserve to join him._  
  
He tries anyway, pulling on Rin’s old Samezuka jacket and zipping it to the top where it digs painfully into his neck. He has to sneak down to the shore or risk being stopped before even trying, and when he stands at the edge with the waves splashing at his ankles, he stares out at the water and wonders where in its depths Rin lies.   
  
Rin followed his father into the ocean, much like he had tried to follow his dreams, and Haru hadn’t stopped him. He’d smiled and kissed him when Rin asked, jokingly, for him to come along with him to Australia. He’d promised him: “one day,” and fell asleep the next morning waiting for his post-flight call. He never called, and Haru found out that he never would.  
  
“Haru!”  
  
Haru gasps audibly as Makoto’s arms surround him too tight and drag him from the water. They make it a good distance back before stopping, and Haru can hear him sniffling loudly, feel his still tight grip shaking.   
  
“Haru,  _please_ ,” Makoto pleads, and it  _hurts_ , leaves a gaping wound next to the hole torn in his chest when Rin died. He wants to turn around, take Makoto’s face in his hands, and swear he’ll never do it again, anything to stop his best friend from sounding like that, but he  _can’t_.  
  
“I have to,” he says instead, his eyes still on the sea.  
  
Makoto lets out a choked noise, and Haru can feel the back of his neck become wet where his head is bowed.   
  
When Makoto finally lets him go and suggests they return home, he goes without a fight. He lets Makoto force him to eat and bathe, and he doesn’t complain when he insists on sitting at the edge of his bed while he sleeps. He stares at the ceiling, wide awake, as Makoto nods off, and he’s already got his next attempt planned out in his head by the time light snores break the silence. One day, Haru’s going to lie at the bottom of the ocean with Rin, and no one’s going to stop him.   
  
When Haru finally drifts off, the rising sun tinting his room a soft pink, he dreams of Rin. They’re so deep in the water, he can’t see a thing, but he can taste the salt on Rin’s skin and feel his arms around him just like they should be. 


End file.
